Jaded
by Sleep Walking Chicken
Summary: With the death of his friend's on his shoulders, Inuyasha searches for a way to end his pain...and runs into Sesshoumaru. (One shot)


**Jaded**  
  
_author's notes: hurray for angst. I haven't written an angsty one shot for a while... _

---

Inuyasha stared at the sight before him. The once vibrant and lush grass was stained a deep scarlet red. Tessaiga, his trusted sword, dropped from his grasp, its sharp blade digging into the crimson ground before deforming to its rusted form. His golden eyes widened in surprise as the realization finally sunk in.

'_He's dead...'_ he thought. _'I've killed him. I've killed Naraku.'_

But why did it feel like he'd lost?

His golden eyes saddened as he turned his head, looking towards his comrades. He felt like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest. The blood on the ground had not just come from Naraku. He stared in horror as his comrade's... his friend's dead bodies assaulted his senses. He could smell the scent of blood and death saturating the air. He heard as they took their last breaths, he watched as their eyes, half lidded, dulled into lifeless orbs.

"No..." he whispered as he stared, stared as he watched his friends die, unable to do anything about it. "No!"

He collapsed to his knees and let out a small startled cry as he realized how injured he was. His hanyou body would heal, but his friends were gone. He crawled towards them, disbelieving it, refusing to believe it. "No... you can't be dead..." he whispered, his ears drooping as he crawled towards them. "No... please..."

He reached them, their bloody heaps of flesh burning his nostrils with their disgusting scent. He took a deep breath and didn't exhale. He couldn't breathe it in. He wouldn't. His bloodied hands reached out and lightly touched Kagome's head, her cheeks and her forehead shredded with claw marks.

He felt his heart wrench again and withdrew his hand as if it had burned him. He stared at his claws, bits of blood and skin drying under his nails.

"You weren't supposed to die by my hands," he whispered pathetically.

His eyes drifted to Sango and Miroku. They too had the same claw marks. His examination of Shippou and Kirara were the same.

"No..."

He had killed Naraku.

But... he'd also killed his friends.

"NO!"

He slammed his eyes shut and tensed his muscles, his hands balling into fists. He punched the ground furiously, his lips drawn back in a snarl. He had transformed and hadn't known it! He'd only gained his sanity when he'd grabbed Tessaiga. A tear dripped from his eye.

'_I've killed them... I've killed them... they'll never forgive me!'_ He bit his lip, feeling the coppery taste of his own blood in his mouth. Blood dripped from his wounds, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered now; he'd just killed his best friends, the only ones who had ever accepted him. He'd betrayed them... he'd slaughtered them.

He stood on shaky legs, backing away from the corpses. "I can't stay here..." he murmured and took off running, not caring about the pain he felt in his heart and from his wounds.

He wandered for days; his eyes had lost their spirit, his body moved as if mechanical, he no longer had the urge to fight, the urge to walk, the urge to do anything. He was jaded.

'_What have I done?'_ he often asked himself as his thoughts drifted back to the images of his dead friends. He didn't remember anything. He didn't remember killing Naraku; he didn't remember killing his friends... he didn't remember killing his love. _'Damn it, Kagome... Miroku... Sango... Shippou... Kirara... why... why? Why did you let me kill you? Why didn't you put up a fight? What happened?'_ All he knew was that he was their killer. No matter how hard he tried, the smell of their blood would not wash away from his claws. Their scent would remain on his claws forever. It would never go away.

He walked in the forests, off the main roads, drifting through towns unnoticed. He walked during the day, he walked during the night. He no longer paused for food, or sleep, or shelter. He had no purpose any more; all he did was move from place to place. Soon, he found himself in the western lands. The lands of his father... the lands of his mother.

'_I must find Sesshoumaru,'_ he decided one night as he stared at the sliver of moon in the sky. He frowned deeply. His tired, aching feet carried him towards where he knew his childhood home rested. The castle his father once lived in.

He no longer cared. He knew that finding Sesshoumaru was a death sentence. But he didn't care any more, he wanted to die. He was jaded.

The next day he found his brother in the forest near his castle. The lord of the western lands stared at his brother; the elder of the two brothers studied the broken hanyou. He looked like the living dead. The hanyou met his brother's gaze, his voice and spirit no longer challenging. He looked defeated and alone.

"You are alone," his brother spoke. It was not a question, it was a statement.

"Yes," the hanyou said weakly, his golden eyes unresponsive.

"Hanyou," the Tai youkai said, the word spitting from his mouth like poison. "Why have you searched me out?"

The hanyou frowned and lowered his head in defeat. He was perfectly healed now, and much to his dismay, he had not died yet of malnutrition, as he had originally planned. His life no longer mattered now that Naraku was destroyed and his friends were no longer in the realm of the living. Nothing mattered any more.

The hanyou stared at his feet. "I have killed him. I have killed Naraku."

His older brother was silent for a long moment as he stared down at the halfling.

"Is that so? That does not answer my question." The lord of the western lands was growing impatient and his hand drifted to his sword.

"I turned into a full youkai," the hanyou explained, "I lost control." He lowered his head and briefly wondered why he was explaining himself to his brother; the one person who couldn't care less. "I have killed my friends. I no longer wish to live."

"This Lord will not take the life of a defenseless hanyou," the elder of the brothers stated coolly, knowing instantly what his brother was seeking. "It would be dishonorable and would shame our father."

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed as he stared at his feet, his fists clenching. "Why the hell not? You've always wanted to kill me; now is your fucking chance!"

"I shall not kill one who wishes to be dead," Sesshoumaru repeated callously.

Slowly his older brother turned and walked away, not even batting an eyelash at his brother. "Goodbye, hanyou."

"Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha yanked Tessaiga from its sheath and watched as it transformed. "Don't walk away from me."

Sesshoumaru paused and turned back towards the hanyou, the golden eyes of his brother blazing with fury. _'That's more like it,'_ he silently told himself as he drew his sword.

The sun sunk lower in the west as the two brothers charged, their blades smashing together.

Inuyasha, now bloodied by their attacks, stared as the sun sunk lower into the west until the stars began to emerge from the sky.

Sesshoumaru raced towards him, sword poised for attacking his brother.

As the sun sunk and disappeared completely, Inuyasha rushed forward, his eyes narrowed in determination. It looked like they would meet equally, blade against blade, but at the last moment, the hanyou threw aside his sword and held his arms wide open, exposing his chest.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as the blade of his sword sliced through his brother's chest, burying up to the hilt. Sesshoumaru stared in perfectly masked horror as the hanyou before him transformed into a human. There was no moon.

The hanyou-turned-human coughed lightly, a small droplet of blood escaping his lips and falling to Sesshoumaru's hand, clasped around his sword.

"What have you done?" Sesshoumaru asked, his façade preventing him from showing his horror and shock.

Inuyasha's eyes began to drift shut as Sesshoumaru withdrew his blade and the human fell to his knees. He continued to cough, blood seeping from his mouth.

"I no longer wish to live, Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha said sadly as his lavender eyes closed. He'd lost focus in his eyesight; he could no longer see his brother.

"You used me to die," Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha could hear his anger.

"Hai... you got what you wanted. You can take Tessaiga if you so wish," Inuyasha whispered, his voice growing faint as his life force began to drift away.

The human collapsed and laid stomach down on the ground. Sesshoumaru stared down at his brother and watched as he died right before him.

'_Kagome...'_ Inuyasha thought numbly before the flame of his life flickered out and all was silent in the forest.

Sesshoumaru stared at his brother for a long moment, his golden eyes remaining emotionless before he knelt down and scooped up his dead brother, holding the limp form in his arms.

"Fool," Sesshoumaru whispered. He grabbed his Tenseiga, but the sword did not respond. "He does not want to come back to life," Sesshoumaru murmured. "He has already allowed the imps to take his soul."

The lord of the western lands scowled. "Baka."

He walked back to his castle, his brother in his arms.

"You could have lived. Your wench would have wanted that," Sesshoumaru said coolly as he entered his castle. Jaken greeted him and stared in surprise at the dead Inuyasha in the Lord's arms.

"You have finally disposed of that pathetic hanyou!" Jaken said, delighted. Sesshoumaru did not share this delight. He kicked the toad aside and continued on.

The elder of the two brothers moved to the back of the castle and set down his brother on a path of dirt. Slowly, the stoic and emotionless demon lord began to dig in the dirt until there was a fairly deep hole. With a disdainful snort, he knocked his brother into the hole unceremoniously.

"You're a weak, cowardly fool, Inuyasha. You could not handle the pain so you took the easy way out," Sesshoumaru growled and reburied the hole.

'_I fought you many times... Inuyasha... but you are my brother. Half breed or not, you are my otouto... my only little brother. Why would I wish to shed your blood? You pathetic fool.' _

---

"_Aniki!" cried a young boy with dog ears as he jogged up to an older looking dog demon. He tugged on the pant leg of his elder brother. "Aniki, play with me!"_

_Sesshoumaru sneered at the young inu pup. He shoved him away with a foot. "Get away from me, you disgusting half breed."_

_He could smell his little brother's tears but did not care. He snorted and turned his back on the young inu pup. _

_The child's large dog ears drooped and his large golden eyes watered lightly. "Aniki, why are you so mean to me?" _

"_Because you are a worthless half breed who is not worth any respect or courtesy," Sesshoumaru sneered menacingly. "Now leave me be, whelp. You disgust me."_

"_I can't, aniki," the little Inuyasha said sadly. "You're the only family I have left. Mommy died, remember?" The way the child spoke so emotionlessly about it unnerved the new lord of the western lands. "You're all I have left, aniki." _

"_I do not wish to be in the company of a weak and dirty half-breed. Be gone, Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru said coolly to turn and face his brother._

_The hanyou's eyes filled with tears again as he lowered his head, dog ears twitching wildly. "Aniki..."_

"_Leave me be, whelp," Sesshoumaru snapped angrily and began to walk again. After the death of the whelp's mother, the little maggot had followed him around like a puppy. He did not wish for the company, as it was degrading for the new lord of his father's lands. _

"_Aniki..." The voice was so crushed and so tormented that for a brief moment Sesshoumaru felt a twinge of guilt._

"_Goodbye, hanyou," Sesshoumaru snapped and melted away into the darkness, leaving his brother alone for years afterwards._

---

"Perhaps," Sesshoumaru mused to himself. "You were not the only fool, Inuyasha."


End file.
